Boudoir: The Ultimate Middle Finger to Your Inner Critic
There seem to be two types of people when it comes to boudoir photography - and if you’re in the second group, you’re missing out.
Group 1: The Boudoir Birthday Babes
There are the people who use boudoir as a form of self-care.
“I do a shoot on my birthday every year!”
“It’s been a little bit but I loved my last session, time to book another one.”
“I booked one after I had after all my health things, to celebrate everything my body has done for me.”
Group 2: The “One Day” Crowd
Welp. See, I warned you. You’re missing out in this crowd.
“I need to lose 10 pounds first.”
“I’m too shy/nervous/awkward.”
“I’ll feel more confident in a couple months.. or years.”
“My skin isn’t perfect, so I can’t.”
I understand the hesitation to be on camera; worrying that seeing images of yourself will drive your self-esteem even further in the toilet. Well, lucky for you this isn’t Aunt Linda taking candids at Christmas dinner from low angles after a bottle of wine to herself, okay? You’re in good hands with me and your confidence is priority while planning, shooting, and editing your gallery.
Meet Tiffany: Your Inner Critic
Your inner critic is that annoying little voice that shows up uninvited, pointing out every flaw, questioning every choice, and basically singlehandedly trying to ruin your life.
Here’s the secret: this isn’t actually your voice. Often, it’s someone from your past; a judgmental classmate, a critical family member, or that “mean girl” you can’t forget. Let’s call her Tiffany (or Chad, if that works better for you. Both are jackasses. Sorry if you’re cool and your name is either of those things, but Karen was too busy complaining to the manager and Kyle was busy chugging Monsters and smashing drywall).
Tiffany is annoying, sure, but she’s actually your brain trying to keep you safe. Way back in the Flintstones’ era, we needed caution and safety in numbers to avoid being eaten by saber-tooth tigers. (Yes, anthropology is clearly my strong suit. /sarcasm)
Today? Tiffany is mostly just in the way.
How to Handle Tiffany
So, when Tiffany gets loud, try this:
Identify her origin. Where did this voice come from?
Check the source. Is this really how you feel, or is it Tiffany talking? Would you ever speak to a friend like this?
Thank her.
“Hey, Tiffany. I see you’re working hard to keep me safe from embarrassment, failure, and judgment. I get it. You’re looking out for me.”
Set boundaries.
“But right now? I don’t need protection. I’m learning a new skill, trying something bold, or stepping into a challenge. You can take a break.”
Add a snarky mic drop.
“Thanks for your concern, but I’ve got this. Go take a nap and eat a Snickers.”
Do this a few times (okay, like fifteen) and eventually it starts to feel natural.
So What Does Boudoir Have to Do With Tiffany?
A lot of why people hesitate to book a boudoir session isn’t about their bodies - it’s Tiffany talking. By practicing quieting that inner critic, you make space for your own voice to be heard. Saying yes to something that scares you, especially when it’s fun, empowering, or sexy, is one of the most powerful ways to reclaim your body, your confidence, and your life.
Your Challenge
Today, tell Tiffany to take a backseat. Do something brave:
Sign up for that dance class.
Reach out to a friend you’ve been meaning to reconnect with.
Wear that outfit you’ve been saving in your closet.
Small acts of bravery push back against the social expectations that try to shrink us. And eventually, those small acts lead to the big things:
Bungee jump.
Book the boudoir session.
Do the big chop.
Quit the job you hate and go back to school.
Take up space.
Do the fucking thing.
Life is meant to be lived. It’s about time you started listening to your own voice, rather than breakfast at Tiffany’s.
Much love.
Still too much,
Vespera
